Dualities of Love Languages

by | Jun 4, 2025

love languages

Love languages are expressive behaviors that we tend to be most sensitive to. This means that while our love languages can be the primary ways we express and receive affection, they can also be the ways we experience hurt and rejection most intensely.

 

 

 

 

Let’s start off by going over the five love languages:

PHYSICAL TOUCH

  • Expressing affection through physical contact.
  • Holding hands, hugs, kisses, back rubs, cuddles, or playing with a loved one’s hair
  • Seeking out casual touch throughout the day

 

ACTS OF SERVICE

  • Expressing affection through helpful tasks or favors.
  • Taking “to-do’s” off a loved ones plate
  • Making or bringing a loved one a meal or food
  • Doing chores

 

QUALITY TIME

  • Expressing affection with undivided attention during shared moments.
  • Actively listening and making eye contact
  • Making efforts to spend time & prioritizing loved ones

 

GIFT GIVING

  • Expressing affection by providing representations of their feelings.
  • Giving loved ones little trinkets, found items, food, or thoughtful gifts

 

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

  • Expressing affection through spoken (or written) words.
  • Words of encouragement
  • Compliments
  • Love notes or cute texts
    Verbal expressions of their feelings

 

How “Love Languages” go wrong:

We can unintentionally hurt our partners through their love languages, especially if we “speak” different love languages than them.  Here are some ways you might be hurting your partner in their love language:

ACTS OF SERVICE

  • Forcing or guilting them into doing things for you
  • Forgetting or not doing a task that they asked for help with.
  • Not acknowledging their acts of service or expecting them as a “given”
  • Dismissing their efforts to help as annoying or overbearing

 

GIFT GIVING

  • Not giving gifts (big or small)on special occasions
  • Dismissing or not appreciating the small gifts they give you
  • Not being thoughtful about the gift you are getting them (example: getting them flowers when they are allergic)

 

PHYSICAL TOUCH

  • Only engaging in affectionate touch during sex
  • Aggressive gestures or physical touch during fights
  • Unwanted or inopportune physical touch
  • Rejecting or shaming their efforts to connect when in public

 

QUALITY TIME

  • Stonewalling or disengaging
  • Being emotionally or mentally withdrawn
  • Not making time for them in your day
  • Being distracted (ex: on your phone) or not paying attention while they’re talking

 

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

  • Name-calling, insulting them or making fun of them
    Giving them the cold shoulder
  • Yelling, cursing, or using a harsh tone of voice when you speak to them.
  • “Taking back” a compliment during a fight

 

It’s important to understand what your partner’s love language is, how to speak it to them in the ways they want, and how to communicate yours in return. Partners need to feel seen and heard and one way to accomplish this is through effective use of love language communication.

We also recommend downloading an app called Love Nudge, which has you take the Love Language quiz and share with your partner. You can set specific examples within each type of language so your partner can go back and review those items, and send “nudges” to each other as a reminder if things slip to the wayside.

 

What are the 5 love language types?

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, the five love languages are:

  1. Words of Affirmation – Verbal expressions of love, appreciation, and support.
    Example: “I’m so proud of you.” “I love you.”

  2. Acts of Service – Doing thoughtful things to lighten a partner’s load.
    Example: Making dinner, running errands, fixing something.

  3. Receiving Gifts – Thoughtful, symbolic, or meaningful items that say “I see you.”
    Example: A surprise coffee, a handwritten note, a birthday gift with intention.

  4. Quality Time – Undivided attention and presence.
    Example: Deep conversations, tech-free time, shared experiences.

  5. Physical Touch – Affectionate contact that fosters connection.
    Example: Hugs, kisses, holding hands, cuddling.

Is it 5 or 7 love languages?

Officially, there are 5 in Gary Chapman’s original framework.

However, some newer interpretations or online discussions have added extra “languages” like:

  • Shared experiences

  • Emotional security

  • Communication

But these aren’t part of the original, research-based model. So: 5 is correct, unless you’re using an expanded or alternative version.

What are the 5 languages of love summary?

Here’s a short summary of each:

  • Words of Affirmation: Love is spoken.

  • Acts of Service: Love is shown through helpful actions.

  • Receiving Gifts: Love is symbolized by thoughtful gestures.

  • Quality Time: Love is shared through focused presence.

  • Physical Touch: Love is felt through physical closeness.

What is the hardest love language to fulfill?

That depends on the giver’s natural style and background—but often:

Acts of Service or Physical Touch can be the hardest.

  • Acts of Service takes time, energy, and mental load—not just intent.

  • Physical Touch can be hard for people with trauma, low affection comfort, or differing intimacy needs.

The hardest love language is usually the one furthest from your own, because it doesn’t come naturally—yet it’s often where the biggest growth happens.

 

 

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